The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize