i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
