barbara walters just said penis...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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