ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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