so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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