If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
