You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
