even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Your cock deserves a montage
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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