At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
