I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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