Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The adults are the big ones right?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
