listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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