Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
