Christians are straight up FREAKS
i think i have two assholes
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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