Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You can't motorboat a personality
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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