You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You can't motorboat a personality
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
