if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
