Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
