i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
false alarm. still invincible.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
