I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hippo gnu deer
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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