Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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