What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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