Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
