just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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