I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
