Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
