Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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