just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
