when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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