Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
