Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
