he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
