I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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