not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize