she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
