Jerry, you need to find god
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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