Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
