I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
