My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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