If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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