I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
