Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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