I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
