Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
