spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
