I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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