I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You smell like stripper and shame
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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