Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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