she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
