none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize