Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
