Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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