Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
