his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
