My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
