can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize