I think i peed on brittanys purse
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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