Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
