then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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