I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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