There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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