I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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