then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Two words: nipple clamps
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