cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
