I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
