There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
