She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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